


Beating

by keiventure



Category: MO - Fandom, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, MDZS - Freeform, Romance, TheUntamed, cql - Freeform, sangcheng - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keiventure/pseuds/keiventure
Summary: Huaisang has a limited time. His love has an expiration date. Huai's life is like a bomb-every hour-every minute-ever second counts, but Huai's heart started beating-but the beating will either kill him or make him live.
Kudos: 2





	1. The Broken Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my frist time writing something for the fandom. Please be good to me. ^^

**Nie Huaisang’s POV**

**March 20 20****

Every day, I feel scared.

Every day, is a brand new day where I need to feel afraid if I can still see the next day.

Every day, is a nightmare.

Every day...every day.

**"Mr. Nie Huaisang, you're next."** It is dreadful enough to sit still on this cold stool, but the moment I heard the nurse’s voice, I know whatever the doctor will tell me, it will emotionally kill me.

I was praying a while ago, but my prayers were not answered anymore. Did Buddha hate me now? I've been a good human being for the Fatherst 19 years, so why now?

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**_"He is only 10 years old doctor, how can you say that he won't be able to reach the age of 20?"_ ** _My Jiang Cheng is crying. I don't know why she's crying. My father is holding my mom’s hand. What is happening?_

**_"I will explain again Mr. and Mrs. Nie, your son has a heart condition called Cardiomegaly or Enlarged heart. His heart is not pumping blood effectively, which can cause him a congestive heart failure. It may improve over time, but most cases of enlarged heart need a life-long treatment with medication. Of course since your son is still young, his heart is still pumping blood normally, but as he grows older, the heart's pumping ability decline. We don't discourage you Mr. and Mrs. Nie, but we want both of you to be aware that your son has limited time. We can prolong his life by means of medication, but we don't know when or where his heart will start to decline."_ ** _The doctor told my Jiang Cheng and father. I don't understand anything._

_Jiang Cheng is crying hard. Father started to cry too. The doctor keeps on writing something on his notebook. I am just sitting on the other side of the room, playing with blocks._

_What is happening? I don't know anything._

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**_"From now on Huaisang, you will be home schooled baby."_ ** _I am 12 years old when my Jiang Cheng decided that going to school tires me. **"Of course, , Wen Ning, and Wen Qing can visit you here in our house anytime. Tell them that I will bake cookies for them."** Jiang Cheng said, encouraging me to embrace the life of being home schooled, by using my friends._

_I nod, **"I understand Jiang Cheng. I can't FatherrticiFatherte in our P.E class, so it's okay to just stay at home."** I answered. I expect this anyway. When Jiang Cheng and Father explained to me my situation, I embraced my faith already, I know that one day, I will die._

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**March 20, 20****

**"It seems like your results are normal, Huaisang. Are you taking up your medicines on time?"** My doctor, Wen Qing’s uncle, Mr.Wen told me.

I smiled dryly at him, **"Yes, Mr. Wen. Wen Ning and Wen Qing are both very effective alarm clocks."** I joked dryly as well. I can't even throw a proper joke without over stressing myself. I can't be overjoy, I can't be tired, I can't be sad, I can't be angry, I can't express myself or it might cause me a cardiac arrest.

Mr. Wen smiled back at me, **"Well I am glad to hear that Huaisang. You will turn 20 next next month, right?"** the dreadful number. I nod, **"Well, I won't hold you for so long Huaisang. Wen Ning told me that you will accomFatherny him today, but remember, don't let yourself get tired."** And that's the end of my monthly check-up.

When I was 10 years old, Mr. Wen told my Fatherrents that I can only last until I turned 20. It's either my heart will decline pumping blood, or I will have a cardiac arrest. Sounds nasty. That is the reason why every time I sleep, I keep on sending good bye messages to everyone, in case that I won't wake up anymore the next day.

All in my mind right now is....I only have 2 months to live.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**March 20, 20****

**UNIVERSITY**

**"So, how was your monthly check-up Haui?"** asked me. We are in his university today. He asked me if I can accomFatherny him. He is taking up conservatory of music and it's his college week. They will be having lots of plays, musicals, and other stuff. At first, my Jiang Cheng and Father declined the idea.

They were afraid that watching plays and musicals will trigger my emotions, but my friends pursued them. Wen Ning and Wen Qing are already inside the hall, and of course waited for me in their main gate. **"Same same ."** I answered dryly. I am not really exerting effort to answer everyone's question. I learned how to conceal my emotions well.

shrug his shoulder, **"Well, remember to drink your medicine at 12 noon Huai. We don't want you to get sick."** He always put up a strong personality in front of me. What a shame, I know my friends so well. cried a lot when I had my first heart attack, way back when we were 11. He maybe bratty, but he values me so much.

We walked in silence until we reach our friends. Wen Qing is still loud as usual, together with her brother Wen Ning. bids his goodbye's because he is Fatherrt of the musical. **"Eh, Huai stop frowning. That's not cute at all~"** Wen Ning commented. They hate it, my normal resting bitch face. It's not as if I like it.

But I smile for them, **"Anyway, have you seen the bunny?"** Wen Qing turns her head from left to right. I quickly shook my head, **"Nope, I haven't."** I answered him. **"Do you think he will support ?"** Wen Ning asked.

Wen Qing didn't stop looking around, **"He needs to! He lost the bet. said that he will definitely have the lead role and Lan Wangji said if that thing happens, he will watch ’s musical diligently."** I heard of this.

Wuxian likes this guy from Literature DeFatherrtment. To be more precise, Wuxian is head over heels. So the guy, Lan Wangji or Lan Zhan loves the novel called Seventh Night. Wuxian's college happened to use that book for their musical this year. Since Wuxian falls deeply to Wangji, he made a bet that if he gets the Fatherrt of Sebastian (the main lead from the novel) Wangji will watch the show and cheer for him. Wangji underestimated my friend and agree to it. Little did he know, Wuxian is the pride and joy of his college. So without putting much effort to it, Wuxian landed the role of Sebastian.

**"Look, there he!"** I was a little bit shocked by Wen Ning shout which cause my heart to beat a little bit faster than usual. I have a watch on my left wrist that actually helps me monitor my heart rate—just now it made some sound which means it did make my heart beat fast for a moment. They both look at me, **"Are you crazy Wen Ning!? Don't shout like that! You almost cause our Huaisang's life!"** Wen Qing was a bit furious. She is very sensitive about my condition actually. I gesture to both of them that I am okay, **"I am not that shocked, don't worry."** I smiled at them to assure that I am okay.

I didn't Fathery much attention to them anymore and shifted all of my attention to the stage in front. The room dimmed after a few minutes and a soft music opens up the musical. Wen Ning and Wen Qing hold my hands side by side. I can't be so excited about this play, or else my heart will betray me.

The show is very colorful. A lot of people are dancing and everyone is enjoying whatever they are doing right now. I tried so hard to conceal my feelings right now. I can't even shout when Wuxian suddenly made that jaw dropping high notes at the introduction of his character. **"Uhm—hello?"** the girl who pretends to be her brother said her name is Viola.

I know the story; I’ve read a lot of books in our house. The next scene will be the introduction of Duke, the love interest of Viola. In the musical, he is back facing everyone. He is busy fixing something non-existing because we all know that this is Fatherrt of the script. There's something about the way he stands that makes you want to look at him. He is not even doing a thing, but I really want him to turn around—and so he did, **"Yes—you are?"** his voice suddenly echoes.

I am mesmerized by it. His face looks so sharp because of his exquisite jaw line, but his almond shaped eyes are so expressive. His voice sounds so manly, but gentle at the same time. I can't look away, **"Vio—I mean Sebastian—my name is Sebastian,"** Viola said, but all I want right now is to hear the other actor's voice, **"I see~"** And without giving me a warning, I feel a sharp Fatherin on my chest and my watch starts beeping loudly.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**March 20, 20****

**"Are you okay now, Huai?"** I saw how Wuxian run like he is Fatherrt of the Olympics. The musical already ended and I only watched half of the show. The Fatherin on my chest was unbearable and I am disturbing many people because of the beeping noise. Wen Ning and Wen Qing rushed me to their school clinic to rest for a bit and also to give first aid.

**"I’m sorry Wuxian, I didn't finish your musical."** I said. Everything messed up because of me.

I heard a sigh of relief from Wuxian, **"I don't really care much about it na Huai. When I received a message from Wangji, I almost run away from the musical."** Wuxian—what a Fatherssionate friend. Every night, before I sleep, I keep on telling him how lucky I am to have a friend like him.

**"I am—" "Hey! Wei Wuxian! How dare you run away after the curtain call?"** I was cut mid-sentence when someone suddenly brags in the room.

Star struck? Is that the right word to say right now?

He is not wearing the clothes that I saw him wearing on stage. He is wearing a very casual dark purple shirt and Fathernts. His hair is a bit messy now, but his eyes, lips, voice it's all familiar to me. I am speechless, **"I already told you, my friend suddenly felt sick in the middle of the musical."** Wuxian rolled his eyes. He didn't appreciate the sudden intrusion.

I also didn't appreciate the sudden intrusion. **"But still—"** but sudden, those one in a million eyes landed on me, **"Oh, are you Wuxian's friend?"** I can't process everything well. If I stop breathing right now, I will surely have another heart failure—and people in the room will know. I inhale sharply which didn't escape from my friends, **"HUAISANG!?"** all of them said in union. Now I am getting impressed at them, **"I'm okay!"** I assured them.

**"I’m sorry, did Wuxian cause you some trouble today?"** even though I am sitting on the clinic's bed, I still bow a little as a courtesy. **"Not really—I hope you're feeling okay now."** And suddenly—which almost cause me a heart attack—a blinding smile shows up.

**"Tell the others that I will follow once I'm sure that Huaisang is fine, and Jiang Cheng—don't shout when Huaisang is with me."** I disregarded everything that Wuxian said and only process the name. Jiang Cheng? Not so common, but it gives me a strange feeling. He nods at Wuxian, **"Wait!"** when I saw him walking away, I have the urge to shout, but I only manage to say it in my normal tone.

Everybody looks at me—especially my friends. Of course, I am Nie Huaisang, I have a lot of things to think. My hands are always full—but today I suddenly called out this guy—for no definite reason, **"hum?"** he looks back at me. Suddenly, my world turns in slow motion. My heart rate starts to beat faster and my watch started making sounds, my breathing hitch—but it's not Fatherinful anymore. I bit my lower lips, **"Ahm—I—I enjoy the musical."** I started.

I bravely look straight into his eyes, **"You were—really good. I hope I can watch more of your musicals—in the—future n."** And I flash my once in a blue moon smile to him—the genuine one.

At first, he looked puzzled maybe because of the beeping sound, but after digesting my words he smiled back at me, **"I am looking forward—Huaisang. And take good care of yourself."** And that's how I confirmed—that at the age of 19—I experienced my first love. The only guy who literally took my breath away.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**March 23, 20****

**"He is Jiang Wanyin or Jiang Cheng, 19 years old. He is the president of the photography club in our university. He focuses more on pictures, but he has a true talent in acting which answered why he had the role of Duke in our musical Huai. He has a lot of friends because he is very easy to approach, but as far as I know, he never dated anyone. Wangji once told me that Jiang Cheng is the type of person who gives everything once he falls in love, but he hasn't find the right person yet. I also started hanging out with him because he is Wangji's best friend."**

**"Is that all Wuxian?"** Wuxian, Wen Ning, and Wen Qing are all in my house right now. Mother and Father are outside so I have the guts to asked about that guy—Jiang Cheng to my friends. **"What did you even see in that pale boy?"** Wen Qing asked me. She has a very weird habit of giving out nicknames to other people. I scratch the back of my head, **"I am not sure as well—Wen Qing. Suddenly my world stopped and my breathing was unstable—you all heard it right?—but not in the bad way."** This is probably the first time that they saw me in my most defenseless state.

Every time that I have a heart attack, palpitation, high blood, and other stuff, I still manage to face it bravely—but now—what's really happening to me?

**"Awwww that's really cute Huaisang. I am happy for you."** Wen Ning words are so genuine. I can't help but smiled back at him.

**"Well—It looks like you're not the only one who left a very amusing first impression Huaisang. Jiang Cheng was asking me if we can hang out later. But I don't think you—" "What's his number na A-Xian? Give it to me, I will message him. I will tell him that we can hang out."** I cut Wuxian and starts to blurt out everything on my mind together with the loud beeping of my watch.

Wen Qing put his hand on my chest and Wen Ning holds my hand, **"Shiit! Huaisang—don't burst out like that. Wuxian get him a glass of water."** Wen Qing was a bit mad at me—but I don't know—my chest feels so full—but because of my sudden burst out—a pain started to build up. Wuxian disappears from my sight; he probably gets me a glass of water.

There's a reason why Wen Ning and Wen Qing stick beside me all the time. When Wen Ning found out that I am sick, he cried hard. He wailed and told his pants that he will be a nurse in the future so he will know how to help me. Wen Qing—Wen Ning’s sister is the strongest friend that I have. She didn't say anything about my condition. She will always look after me, but I am so surprised when she decided that she will be a doctor instead of a chef which she liked before when she entered the university. Every morning, she will tell me to hang on—to wait until she becomes a doctor—she will find cure for me.

**"Drink this first."** A glass of water appears in front of me. I suddenly feel guilty, **"Thank you!"** I said. Wuxian keeps on shaking his head, **"Are we going to talk about your condition again, Huaisang? It seems like you forgot about it already."** Wuxian started the pep talk—again, **"We all know that excessive emotion can cause you a heart failure."** Wen Qing follows him, **"Huaisang, we are just concern about you."** And Wen Ning finished it. All I can do is to nod my head.

They are right, **"but—"** I gulp, **"I—only have—2 months to live guys. Do—I need to stop myself?"** they frown at me. If looks can kill. They are always mad at me whenever I open up the topic of my 20th birthday. **"Please~"** I mumble.

In the end, Wuxian gave me his (Jiang Cheng's) number. I quickly type my message by introducing myself and telling him that we can hang out later.

And that's how it all started—how Nie Huaisang and Jiang Wanyin hang out. How my first love started to bloom like flowers at spring time.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**April 2, 20****

**_Wuxian:_ ** _Good night Wuxian. I will always be grateful to have a friend like you. I will always cherish the time and things that you shared with me._

**_Wen Ning:_ ** _Good night Wen Ning. My love for you will never change. You will be always be in my heart. Don't be sad if I leave you guys one day._

**_Wen Qing:_ ** _Good night Wen Qing, my stubborn but loving future doctor. I am sorry if I am not strong enough. If my heart stops beating, always remember that I really tried my best to fulfill my promise to you na Wen Qing._

**_Mother:_ ** _Good night Mother. If I have another life, I will still choose to be your son. I love you Mother._

**_Father:_ ** _Good night Father. I love you so much. If the time comes that I will be gone, please be strong for Mother. I will always watch over you Father and Mother._

**_Mark:_ ** _Good night Jiang Cheng. I had a good time today. I hope we can see each other again tomorrow._

My routine to send good night messages to everyone. Before, there were only 5 people that I cherish the most, but now I have 6. 2 weeks have passed. Jiang Cheng and I hang out almost every day. He knows that I am home schooled, but I hide my condition to him. I don't want him to take precaution every time we are together. I want to feel normal and very alive.

I haven't confessed my feelings to him, but I feel special every time we spend time together.

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Good night Huaisang. Of course we will hang out again tomorrow. Now now little Huaisang, sleep already._

And of course, Jiang Cheng will reply to me as fast as he can. He didn't have a clue that my good night messages were my good bye messages to him in case that I didn't have another morning anymore.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**April 6, 20****

I blink as many times as I can. My breathing hitch again and again as I feel the cold steel stretcher. **"Huaisang? Huaisang? Can you hear me? Huaisang!"** the voice sounds so distance. It keeps on fading, **"FUCK! FIND MY UNCLE! TELL HIM TO HURRY UP! HUAISANG IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"** the shout was supposed to be loud, but the buzzing sound coming from my ears are too much to handle.

I don't know where I am right now. I don't know what's happening, **"HUAISANG!!! WHAT HAPPENED WEN NING?"** another voice. **"It's a sudden attack sister—what are we going to do? Huaisang—he is—what if he died?"** and everything become still. I didn't hear anything. I didn't see anything. It's all pitch black.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**April 7, 20****

I smile weakly, **"At—least you guys kn—knows the reason why i—like to send good—bye messages before I sleep."** My voice is still weak. I woke up yesterday around 10pm. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw Wuxian, Wen Ning, Wen Qing, Mother, Father, and my doctor.

Wen Qing explained to me that I had a sudden heart attack yesterday around 6am. Good thing Father found me. The respirator that was attached to me every night started to buzz loudly which indicates that I am not breathing properly. Wen Ning of course was the first one who reached our house and soon called the ambulance to transferred me.

Wen Ning has a visible tears on his eyes, **"Don't joke around Huaisang."** He mumbles. I know he feels bad right now. I only have 1 month left before my birthday. I should prepare them as soon as I can. My time is very limited. I can't extend even if I want too.

I grab my phone that is lying beside my hospital bed. I smile faintly when I open my phone and saw Jiang Cheng's messages.

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Good morning Huaisang, what time are we going to see each other today?_

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Oh Wuxian messaged me; he said that you can't hang out today, are you okay?_

**_Huaisang:_ ** _I am a little bit worried Huai, you're not answering my text and call._

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Huaisang, can I go to your house? I just need to make sure that you're okay._

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Good night Huaisang, I hope you're feeling okay. Message me as soon as you read my messages._

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Good morning Huaisang, Wuxian didn't attend school, it's making me worried. I asked Wangji, but he said that Wuxian will visit his friend._

But my smile started to fade. Why now? Why do I need to experience this now? Now that I only have 1 month to live. Why does my love have an expiration date?

**_Jiang Cheng:_ ** _I am okay Jiang Cheng. Sorry for making you worried. I can't hang out recently because I have a lot of things to do. I will message you once I am free again. Good bye na A-Cheng. Take care. Thank you for everything._

Why? Why am I saying good bye already? Why do my tears won't fall right now? Am I getting tired already? Once I died, I know that people will move on and keep going forward. They won't stop for me. Life must go on—as it is.

**_Huaisang:_ ** _Why does it sound like we won't see each other anymore Huaisang? Are you saying good bye already?_

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

**_An attempt to make a side by side story. Originally a EUNHAE story turned into a SAGCHENG story. Enjoy and please leave a comment._ **

**_Huai's heart might stop beating in this story—but our hearts won't stop beating for SangCheng. TT_TT_ **


	2. The Fallen Angel

**Nie Huaisang’s POV**   
  


**April 10, 20****   
  


I was discharged from the hospital after 3 days. The doctors kept on reminding me to stop doing extra activities that will makes me tired. My Mother and Father are keeping their silence from day one up until now. They suffered hard enough because of me.  
  
  


 **"Don't you want to explain to him what's really happening, Huaisang?"** Wen Ning asked me. They (my friends) decided to have an uninvited sleepover at my house today. They said that they wanted to spend some quality time with me—not that I am complaining—but I know them very well.  
  
  


I shook my head, **"What's the use of explaining A-Ning?" "You're limiting yourself to become happy Huaisang. We all know how much you like Jiang Cheng, and we also know how Jiang Cheng enjoys your company. Why don't you give it a try?"** Wuxian commented. I notice how we keep on answering question with another question.  
  
  


Again, I shook my head, **"I don't have much time—" "Who told you that you don't have any time left Nie Huaisang? Do you think we are not doing a damn thing? We wanted you to be normal and healthy!"** Wen Qing suddenly burst out. Shee hates this topic so much.  
  
  


 **"Listen first Huaisang, what you needed right now—is someone who will make you feel alive—and Jiang Cheng can make you feel that way."** A-Xian pats my shoulder lightly. To be honest, I don't have any plan right now. All I wanted is to die peacefully. My life has a time limit. I don't know when and where will I die—it can be today or tomorrow.  
  
  


My phone suddenly vibrates indicating for a new message. I sigh and grab my phone. My friends keep on looking at my every movement as well.  
  
  


**_Huaisang:_ ** _Hey! Ahm I'm just wondering. Your last message, you didn't mean that we won't see each other anymore—right?_   
  
  


Freaking heart—it started to beat loudly. It's not only my heart that betrays me—also my body. Without thinking, I started to type my reply.  
  
  


**_Jiang Cheng:_ ** _If tomorrow, I have another day A-Cheng—let's meet each other. I need to tell you something to you._   
  
  


And I freaking sent that message. **"Happy?"** I didn't look at everyone, but I asked them if they are satisfied or not.  
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  


**April 11, 20****   
  
  


Luckily I woke up this morning.   
  
  


Luckily I have enough energy today—and luckily I feel like I can do anything today.  
  
  


 **"HUAISANG!"** as soon as I heard that loud voice, my heart almost escapes from my ribcage and I need to grab my watch tightly to stop making noises. Jiang Cheng is on the other side of the road, waving his hand franticly.  
  
  


_'How many times will you keep on betraying me my heart?'_   
  
  


I didn't feel any pain at all. I smile back at him and even wave my hand, he run towards me as soon as the light turns green, **"I missed you!"** he said, which makes my heartbeat incredibly fast. I was actually waiting for him to say something again, but to my surprised, he suddenly pulls out his jacket and put it on me, **"What were you thinking A-Sang? It's getting colder and you still wear this thin fabric!"** He talked while fixing the jacket on me.  
  
  


 **"It's not that cold na A-Cheng'."** I mumbled and tried to defend myself. I am always defenseless in front of him. I saw how he rolls his eyes. **"Yeah—yeah if you say so."** He even mocked me. This is how he really is. Jiang Wanyin may look like the person who loves to hang out with many people, but in reality he only likes to hang out with people that he likes. He also enjoys pampering them to death.  
  
  


_'And this might be the cause of my death—soon.'_   
  
  


We didn't stay long outside. We walked inside the café (because he was still mad at me for wearing thin fabric in the midst of April.) I badly wanted to hide his face as soon as we enter the café. Jiang Cheng is very approachable. Since this café is very near to his university, a lot of people keep on calling his name, **"Jiang Cheng this..." "A-Cheng that..." "Jiang Wanyin blah blah blah...."**  
  
  


Hanging out with him made me realized that I am the territorial type (I'm not jealous) of person. I know I don't have any rights, but I can't help but feel small and uncomfortable (definitely not jealous) when other people keep on hording his attention.  
  
  


 **"Sorry, I need to go now. I am with someone."** Whenever this thing happens, I make sure to put a proper distance between him and I. I don't want other people to misunderstand us—well maybe I like them to think that we are a thing but I don't have any guts to pursue that goal.  
  
  


I lower down my head; I don't want someone to look at me. **"Woah! Jiang Cheng who is that shy beautiful guy behind you?"** someone asked him and I know for sure that he is talking about me. Not unless someone else is behind Jiang Cheng.  
  
  


 **"What? Why are you glaring at me na A-Cheng? I didn't do anything!"** I didn't hear any reply from Jiang Cheng, but I heard his friend defending himself. **"Tsk how troublesome. Don't call him!"** Jiang Cheng replied. I can't help but take a peak. I don't know what made Jiang Cheng upset.  
  
  


Maybe he didn't agree that I am beautiful that was why he got upset by his schoolmate's comment. Everyone from the table made an **"Ohhhhhh~"** sound before someone courageously said, **"The possessiveness is very evident Jiang Cheng."** I blush. I know for sure that I am blushing right now. Did someone hear my prayers? They actually mistook our situation right now.  
  
  


Since Jiang Cheng is back facing me, I can't see his expression, **"Shut it Zonghui."** And that's the end of their conversation. It was actually rude because Jiang Cheng, without prior notice took my hand and drags me to the other part of the café. Well I am not complaining—in case you're wondering.  
  
  


We sit opposite to each other. This spot is very secluded, very private and very far from other costumers. **"I'm sorry about that Huaisang."** Jiang Cheng speaks up. I shook my head (of course) **"No need to be sorry A-Cheng."** I said in a small voice. I don't want him to know that right now—I am experiencing an excessive happiness. I am also shocked that nothing feels wrong right now and the watch isn't making noises. I mean—come on, everyone keeps on telling me that I can't be so happy, sad, angry, and many more.  
  
  


 **"You—don't mind it right?" "Huh?" "You don't mind being paired up with—me—right?"** His statement sounds so unsure. I don't know, I can't help but smile brightly at him, **"Of course not,"** I am very honest right now. If only I can, I will jump for joy.  
  
  


He decided that it was not enough to smile back at me, so he grabs both of my hands that are lying down on the table, **"I'm glad A-Sang."**  
  
  


Is this even normal? My heart is not doing that painful thumping sound. I can breathe clearly like nothing is wrong with me. Is this the power of love? Then I want to stay in love for the longest time of my life.  
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**May 1, 20****   
  
  


I never feel much more alive than before. Every day is so precious to me. I'd done all the things that I haven't done before. Watching movies (not only one movie, but 3 different genres.) I played sports and even tried recreational activity. Celebrated my friends birthday.  
  
  


Lately, my test results are getting better and better. I don't feel any chest pain. I don't know for how long will it last—but I wanted to enjoy it as much as I can. Everything is possible because Jiang Cheng is with me.  
  
  


We never disclose our relationship. After that incident in the café, Jiang Cheng became more attentive. He calls me every night. He gave me wonderful experiences that I haven't imagine I would do in the future. In a short time, Jiang Cheng becomes my everything.  
  
  


 **"But why haven't you tell him about your condition Huaisang?"** yet that shitty feeling is back. Wuxian was right. We are inside their university cafeteria because Jiang Cheng said that we will go somewhere later so I decided to pay a visit. Wuxian, Wen Ning, and Wen Qing are with me right now. **"Based on my observation, that boy likes you so much."** Wen Qing said while sipping on her coffee.  
  
  


I can't drink coffee anyway, **" _Like_ is an understatement Wen Qing. I think Jiang Cheng _loves_ our Huaisang."** Wen Ning commented. He is busy reading his sheets (lecture copy), but he still has time to listen to our conversation. Freaking multi-tasking guy.  
  
  


 **"I—just—I just don't like him to treat me like a fragile vase—that I will break anytime."** I honestly told them my reason. I always feel like something will change once I unveil my condition to Jiang Cheng. I don't want it.   
  
  


Wuxian put down his music score board, **"Then what are you planning to do when you suddenly experience chest pain or worst heart attack A-Sang? Are you willing to die on the spot in front of him?"** That was Wuxian.  
  
  


 **"Don't be so stubborn Huaisang."** That was Wen Qing.  
  
  


 **"He will care for you the same way we care for you."** And that was Wen Ning.  
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**May 17, 20****   
  
  


**"Wuxian! Help me! I don't know what to do!"** that distant voice. I know that voice so much, but I don't have any strength right now. The cold floor is already unbearable as well as my heart. **"I AM PANICKING RIGHT NOW! DAMN IT!"** I wanted to soothe him, but I don't know how.  
  
  


It feels like I've been suffering for a long time, until some warm arm held me, **"Huaisang—Huaisang can you hear me? Huaisang don't be scared, I am with you right now. Wuxian will be here soon. He will help you."** I thought I was strong enough, that I am ready to die, but this guy—he gives me a new light to live.  
  
  


I feel a warm thing fall of my face, **"Shhhh—don't cry. Don't be scared."** I am gasping for air. My eyes are too blurry to focus on him. My breathing keeps on hitching. The pain feels like knives stabbing again and again on my chest and the noises coming from my wrist watch is too loud, **"hu—rt"** I messily mumble that word.  
  
  
  
  


He hugs me, **"I'm sorry—Huaisang I'm sorry. I thought I can make you happy and healthy. I'm sorry Huaisang. Please—don't leave me. Not now—I'm not ready for this—damn it!"** And that was the last thing I’ve heard before the darkness eaten me alive.  
  
  


_'Do I even have another time to see his face once more? I want to say sorry as well—sorry for keeping everything from you—Jiang Wanyin.'_   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_Enjoy! Keep on reading!_ **

**_I want to read your comments guys so don't forget to leave some. Love you all!_ **


	3. The Angel A-Sang

**_Dear Jiang Cheng;_ **

_I can still remember the first time I laid my eyes on you. I thought you have the most exquisite jaw line, expressive eyes, and soothing voice that I'd ever seen and heard in my entire life. I was mesmerized by you. In an instant my heart that never beats to anyone, franticly beats for you—only for you._

_I can still remember how I bother A-Xian to tell me everything about you. Your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, your personality. I wanted to meet you badly. I wanted to know you. I wanted to hang out with you, but I don't know how._

_I can still remember how I tried to hide my happiness from my friends when you decided to messaged Wuxian. You wanted to hang out with me as well. I could die from happiness on the spot, but I wanted to know you. I don't want to die with regrets on not knowing you._

_I was 10 years old when Doctor Wen, Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s uncle, told my family that my life has a time limit. 20 years to be exact. For almost 10 years, I lived in agony. Afraid to die without telling those people that I love how they changed my life and how special they are to me. That was the reason why I kept on sending those messages at night before I sleep. I'm afraid that I won't wake up anymore the next day._

_At first, I questioned Buddha. Why me? There were other people, bad people who committed crimes every day. I was just a young boy that time and yet—He chose me. My Mother and Father cried a lot all throughout my battle. Sometimes, I can't look at them anymore._

_I was 15 years old when I decided to give up on life. Nothing was happening. My condition was not improving. My Mother, Father, Wuxian, Wen Ning, and Wen Qing were the only reason why I diligently drank my medicine on time. Then everything changed._

_2 months ago I met you. You have a very uncommon name, but you were one of a kind. Suddenly I wanted to be with you every day. I even made so many excuses so that I can spend some time with you. I am happy whenever I'm with you. I feel alive, healthy, and worthy to be alive._

_I don't know when it started, but suddenly I woke up and said, "Fuck! I can't live without him anymore." And I know I am being selfish. I love how you made me feel special. I love how you pampered me. I love how you notice everything about me. I love how you replied as soon as you received my message. But most of all, I love you Jiang Wanyin._

_I'm sorry if you feel bad after reading this letter. I'm sorry if I don't have the courage to say these words to you on person. I'm sorry if I'm being selfish right now and I'm sorry because I fell deeply in love with you._

_A-Cheng, you were the center of my everything. You became my world. Everything should be about you. I gave up in life a long time ago, but for those 2 months that we'd spent together you gave me enough reason to live. You showed me how wonderful our world is. You opened up a new and exciting world for me. You made those impossible things to possible, and I can't thank you enough A-Cheng._

_I can still remember my conversation with my Mother and Father last night. I told them everything that I kept inside for a long time. Mother cried the hardest. She kept on saying sorry. I didn't see any reason why she kept on saying sorry when in the first place; I should be the one saying sorry. Father tried his best to control his emotions._

_For the first time, I begged for them. I said that all I wanted right now is to prolong my life and be with you. I am very selfish. I said those words to them. I wanted to live for you and not for them anymore. I cried hard A-Cheng. I don't know if it was because of the guilt I feel inside or because I was desperate. I wanted to live so badly right now._

_But I know, the time will come—my time will come. Jiang Cheng, thank you for showing me love and compassion for the past 2 months. Thank you for being there for me all these time. Thank you for making me feels loved and special. A-Cheng I can't thank you enough._

_A-Cheng, I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry for not hanging on till the end. I'm sorry if I'm weak. I'm sorry because I know; when this letter landed on your hands it means I lose already. It means that my heart betrayed me—and it means that I'm gone._

_My heart might stop beating right now. I may be gone and won't be with you anymore, but always remember; I will always watch over you and guide you. Listen to your heart beat A-Cheng, because my heart will always be beating for you even if I'm gone._

_Ps. A-Cheng, one last thing. Once your heart beat for someone else, take courage. Don't be afraid because loving someone is a wonderful thing. I won't say good bye A-Cheng, but I need to say 'I love you Jiang Wanyin.'_

**_Nie Huaisang_ **


	4. The Angel of Death

**Jiang Wanyin’s POV**   
  
  


His life has a time limit. I don't want to sit and look what will happen.  
  
  


His life has an expiration date and I don't want to regret anything because of that.  
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_2 years ago_ **   
  
  


_I first saw him 2 years ago. I was on my rebellious phase that time. I liked to party. I liked to fuck different girls. I liked to drink—a lot. I liked to cut classes. I will do everything that pleased me. I am the new cool kid in the block. I was 1st year college and I have the looks, talent, and money. No one will hate me._   
  
  


_Eventually, I also learned how to smoke. I was puffing my cigarette alone when that once in a life time moment happened in my life. **"Fuck! Tell me please, are you still breathing?"** I was busy puffing my cigarette that time when I heard some noises coming from the music room._   
  
  


_I usually smoke behind the conservatory of music building. The reason? The windows and doors are tightly shut in this building so that the noises coming from each room won't be heard outside. But that time I notice that one window was fully open. I quickly stepped on my cigarette._   
  
  


**_"Hang on Huaisang—hang on. I will call Wen Qing!"_ ** _again that voice. I can still remember the loud bang of the door. Naturally curious, I took a peak at the open window. Someone was lying down on the couch. Both of his hands were covering his face with the noisy beeping sound all around the room. I can still remember—the first time I laid my eyes on you._   
  
  


_I can still remember how hard you gasp for air, like a fish that was pulled out from its tank. **"Ki—ll m—e!"** that's the words I heard coming out from your mouth. I recall those tears that fell out from your covered eyes. I can't help but clutch on my chest. It was painful to watch and I don't know why._   
  
  


_The memories of that day were still fresh; I can still remember how I climbed on the open window and run towards you. I don't know you and I know that you don't know me. I didn't have a valid reason to stay by your side that time, but seeing you in pain is enough to feel the pain that you were feeling that time._   
  
  


**_"Are you—okay?"_ ** _I asked you, but you didn't look at me. You just kept on crying and mumbling incoherent words. Your chest was thumping hard and irregular then I noticed the beeping sound again and the red flashes of light on your wrist watch. **"Are you having a hard time breathing?"** I asked again, though I didn't expect any response from you._   
  
  


_To my surprised you pulled out your hands and I saw your messy face. You were crying so hard, but that didn't catch my attention. That was the first time I saw your face. You have a very angelic face. You were staring back at me, but I don't know if you can see me well. You have a pair of innocent eyes. Those eyes are begging me to help you out of your situation right now._   
  
  


_I didn't know why I did those things today, but I can proudly say that for once Jiang Wanyin did something that he can be proud of. I saw how hard you tried gasping for air and the only first aid I know were the things I watched from TV dramas and movies. I can still remember your smell that day; you have a sweet intoxicating smell. It was like a spell._   
  
  


_I squatted in front of you that time and lifted your chin. I can still remember my hands touching your chin. I never pray so hard, but in that moment I prayed to all the saints in the world to save you. I lowered down my face after inhaling a huge amount of air and without thinking twice, I touch your lips—with mine and I blow air straight thru your mouth._   
  
  


_You have a very irresistible bow shape thin lips._   
  
  


_I don't know how many times I executed CPR on you, but I didn't regret anything. I think, the only thing I regretted that time was not knowing you sooner._   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_1 year ago_ **   
  
  


_I'm back to square one. I fixed my life and set a path to take. That was the first time in my life I achieved something on my own. I became the new photography club president. I have a proper set of friends who guided me in the right way._   
  
  


_That incident one year ago changed me big time. I befriend Wei Wuxian, your friend. I always asked him to hang out, but there was a tiny voice in my heart that hoped that when we hang out, you will show up too._   
  
  


_I started stalking your instagram when Wuxian accidentally (not really) tagged you. My heart was beating so fast that I can still remember the excitement I felt up until now. I found out your name, Nie Huaisang'. For the second time, my life changed in instant._   
  
  


_I thought I only wanted to know the person I tried to save before, but I found myself following Wuxian one time. He said he can't hang out that time because he needed to go to the hospital. That brat has a good family background._   
  
  


_I can still remember the first time I saw you walking towards Wuxian. You weren't smiling or feeling glad to see your friends. You look so plain, but that time all I can see was the angelic Nie Huaisang I first saw 1 year ago._   
  
  


_I even hid behind the pavement just to listen to your conversation, **"What did the old man tells you Huaisang?"** Wuxian asked you. I peeked to take a glimpse of you, **"Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?"** can I say something? You have a very nice speaking voice Huaisang._   
  
  


_I was too preoccupied that time, I didn't catch Wuxian’s reply, but I remember the pain and agony I felt inside the moment I heard your answer, **"Good news, it looks like my medication was paying off since I didn't experience any chest pain recently. The bad news is, the risk of having hemochromatosis—"** you stopped talking all of a sudden, maybe it was because of Wuxian’s dumb face that time, **"Hemochromatisi or excessive iron in the bodyA-Xian. It's a disorder in which my body doesn't properly metabolize iron, causing it to build up in various organs, including my heart. This can cause an enlarged left ventricle due to the weakening of the heart muscle."** Your explanation was as clear as water._   
  
  


_That was the first time I felt hopeless. I have the urge to save you, but I don't know how._   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_January 20**_ **   
  
  


_I followed you everywhere Huaisang. You don't like to go outside and I know the reason why. I was so into you that I tried to improve myself so the next time we will see each other again; I can proudly introduce myself to you. I became your secret knight in shining amour. Whenever someone tried to approach you outside, I stopped them._   
  
  


**_"Are you going to bring someone to your college week, Wei Ying?"_ ** _I secretly listen to Wangji. He is my best friend, and luckily Wuxian is head over heels of him. I pretended to chew the lunch I brought, **"Can you still remember Wen Qing and Wen Ning?"** He started. I wanted to answer that time, of course Wangji and I know knows his friends. They always hang out every now and then._   
  
  


_I know that Wangji likes Wuxian so much, but I asked him a favor to let Wuxian pursue him. Wangji knows my reason, from the very start. I am very honest to him so he knew that all I wanted was to be close with Huaisang thru Wuxian. **"Hm."** Wangji answered dryly. I can still remember how much anticipation I’ve felt that time, **"They will go—but I also hope that Huaisang will come."** And the name I've been longing for resurface from Wuxian's mouth._   
  
  


_I can still remember the teasing look that Wangji gave to me, but I tried to act cool. **"I don't see any reason why he can't come."** Wangji may sound uninterested that time, but believe me, he is very interested to listen to whatever Wuxian will tell him. _   
  
  


_I started looking at your instagram again, hoping that you post something, but to my dismay—you didn't. **"Wen Qing and Wen Ning are trying to pursue his parents. Anyway Huaisang would most likely just watch the musical and leave after."** And up until now, I would really like to thank Wuxian for letting me decide to take part of the musical—all of it was because of you, Huaisang._   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_March 20 20**_ **   
  
  


_I saw you walking down the hall with Wuxian and all I felt was how nervous I am. I've never been nervous before. I performed in front of thousands of viewer before, but only you can make my heart race so fast. **"Stop looking at him na Wanyin, he will melt!"** Wangji teased me that time. I shook my head and pat his shoulder, **"Go now Wangji, don't forget to take stolen photos of him."** I reminded him. That was how much I invested on you Huaisang. I can still remember the disapproving look from Wangji that time, **"Stalker!"** he said before walking away from me._   
  
  


_I know that there were over a hundred pairs of eyes that were watching us—me, but all I wanted that time was your pair of eyes to just look at me. I played it cool. I wanted my character to be remarkable. If only you can hear my heartbeat that time, it was crazy—the same on how crazy I am for you._   
  
  


**_"FUCK! LET ME OUT!"_ ** _that was the first thing I’ve heard after performing my scene. For the first time, everyone saw Wuxian on his un-cool moment of life. That time, I don't have any idea why Wuxian was acting weird. **"You can't Wuxian, wait until the curtain call."** Song Zichen, our senior told him. Some of our crew was holding Wuxian firmly._   
  
  


_I simply stared at him, **"My friend needs me, and he was rushed to the infirmary right now! Don't you fucking understand that?"** I can still remember the sudden pang on my chest. In that instant, I choose to stand on Wuxian's side. I know the frustration he was feeling that time. I breathe heavily, **"Wuxian, listen. The musical will end soon."** I played it cool._   
  
  


_Wuxian looked defeated that time, **"Fine, but if something bad happen to Huaisang, I swear~"** the musical resumed but both Wuxian and I were not the same as the musical started._   
  
  


_Wuxian ran as soon as the curtain call. I wanted to know your condition that time so I quickly changed into my casual clothes, that was how I played it cool and followed Wuxian. I tried to scold him, but as soon as my eyes landed on you and saw how pale you were, all I wanted was to hug you tightly. Finally, your big watery eyes were staring straight at me._   
  
  


_One thing I noticed that time, you didn't recognize me. I can't blame you. 2 years ago, you were on the edge of life and death, I don't think you would still pay attention to me that time. Our conversation ended quickly—because I don't have any guts. If only I know how limited our time, I would talk to you as long as I can._   
  
  


_I can still remember my desperate messages to Wuxian after the musical._   
  
  


**_Wuxian:_ ** _Yow Wuxian, Wangji was asking me about your friend's condition—Huaisang right?_   
  
  


**_Jiang Cheng:_ ** _Yeah, ahm Huaisang is okay now, please tell my Wangji that I appreciate his message that time._   
  
  


**_Wuxian:_ ** _Well I am also glad to hear that. Your friend looked pale that time na A-Xian. Anyway, wanna hang out? You can bring your friends. I think you have an interesting set of friends._   
  
  


_All I wanted was to hang out with Nie Huaisang, but I can't tell it directly to Wuxian or he'll freak out._   
  
  


_I can still remember the smile plaster on my face when I received your reply. Huaisang replied to me, I can die happily._   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_April 2, 20**_ **   
  
  


_We started hanging out—a lot, but I noticed your sad good night messages. It always felt like you were saying your last good bye every night—I hate it. Of course I didn't bother to ask you about your condition. If you were not ready to disclose it to me, then I'm fine with it._   
  
  


_I always have 1 goal whenever I'm with you, ' **To make you feel normal**.' People will not treat you normally because they are afraid that you can't handle it. In my case, I wanted you to feel what other people feel. I want you to experience everything. I don't want you to regret something just on how I regretted my life 2 years ago. I took it for granted._   
  
  


_Aprilr 6, I can still remember that day. It was as fresh as open wound. Do you even have an idea how frustrated I was that time? I called you, you didn't answer. I texted you, you didn't reply. I visited your house a couple of times, but you were not there. I knew that time that something was off._   
  
  


_Wuxian messaged me, he said that you don't feel well. I thought my heart will explode. I was too damn worried to begin with. Then I received your message and I know for sure that you were saying good bye already. My heart sank quickly._   
  
  


_But Huaisang, I didn't give up that time. Not now that you were so close to me. I won't let you go no matter what. I continue sending messages until that day you'd finally given me a chance to see you. You don't know how happy I am that even Wangji kicked me out of his room for yelling and grinning too much._   
  
  


_I was shocked when I saw you the next day, you were shivering. I ran as fast as I can so that I can put my jacket on you. I was so frustrated that time. You were very careless Huaisang. I can still picture out your adorable face when we entered the café._   
  
  


_Everybody knows me, but I don't know them. I am with you so I wanted them to know that I am unavailable anymore. Crazy, I really wanted them to think that you were special than anyone else in that café. But my friend messed up. No—I messed up. My possessiveness clearly showed up the moment Zonghui called you beautiful. He had his eyes on you the whole time and I can't deny the jealousy building up on my chest that time._   
  
  


_I was worried when I asked you if it was okay to let them think that something was going on between us. I wanted them to think that way, but I don't know if you wanted them to think that way. My happiness ate me alive the moment you said okay._   
  
  


_That was how it all started. That time, I know that how I felt for you were beyond obsession. I am totally captivated and hooked by you Huaisang. I don't know how it all started, but all I know that time is how my heart beats only for you._   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


**_May 20**_ **   
  
  


_To be honest, I don't want to re-call any memories from this month. I don't know how it all happened. We were so happy Huaisang. You were smiling so bright, I thought I will be blinded soon. You'd been living the life that I wanted you to live._   
  
  


_Wuxian, Wangji, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning were so happy for us. We didn't talk about the relationship we have. I am so afraid that you will reject me. We were happy—we acted like a real couple. I pampered you to core. I gave everything to you. I only looked at you._   
  
  


_For once I forgot that you were suffering. Then that moment in my life happened. I wish I can control the time and freeze it. We were watching movie in my apartment—eating popcorn and constantly cuddling when suddenly you had a hard time breathing. Your watch again just like the first time I saw you was making the loud beeping sound and the flashing red light on it. I saw how you collapse on the floor with pain visible on your face._   
  
  


_You haven't told me about your condition but I am perfectly aware of what exactly was happening. I spent months to research about your condition. I cried hard when I found out that doctors haven't found a cure for your rare disease._   
  
  


**_"A—Cheng~"_ ** _you were so weak. It was identical to how you sounded like 2 years ago inside the music room. My tears fell down that time. I quickly dialed Wuxian's number,_ **" _Wuxian! Help me! I don't know what to do!"_** _I am shivering hard. You were so near to me, but I don't know how to keep you close to me. You were clutching your chest. That instant I felt the pain that you were feeling, **"Calm down Jiang Cheng, what's happening?" "I AM PANICKING RIGHT NOW! DAMN IT!"** I yelled back at him._   
  
  


_Wuxian was smart enough to figure out what was happening. I held you—I cradle you like a baby. Huaisang, I am not ready yet. I haven't told you my feelings. I haven't properly introduced myself. The last thing I told you was, **"I'm sorry—Huaisang I'm sorry. I thought I can make you happy and healthy. I'm sorry Huaisang. Please—don't leave me. Not now—I'm not ready for this—damn it!"**_   
  
  


_The hardest battle in my life happened that day nie Huaisang. The doctor told us that you had a cardiac arrest. You were in state of comatose. I saw how everyone cried for you, but I don't have any tears left._   
  
  


✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«  
  
  
  


 **"Wanyin, we know it's hard for you."** I heard Wangji's voice. For the past few days, I’ve never let anyone entered my room. I am too tired—physically and emotionally. Wangji's face appeared followed by Wuxian, Wen Ning and Wen Qing.  
  
  


 **"Huaisang wouldn't like it if he sees you in this state Jiang Cheng."** Wuxian's voice echoes in my ears. My tears began to fall the moment he said his name. I lower down my face, **"Jiang Cheng, you need to live—for him."** I heard Wen Ning's voice and a soft pat on my back.  
  
  


I continue sobbing hard, **"He didn't leave us in vain A-Cheng. Huaisang was ready for this; we all should be ready for this."** Of course Wen Qing will be the one who said the fucking reality. Huaisang didn't reach his birthday. He died on May 19 at 12:07am. After we sent him to the hospital and fell in state of coma. He had multiple cardiac arrests. His left ventricle started to malfunction. The right ventricle cannot pump enough blood for his body. The last resort was an open heart surgery. Wen Ning and Wen Qing’s uncle was very honest to all of us that the possible rate of survival was close to 0. Everyone was determined that Huaisang should not die in vain—but in the middle of the surgery—Huaisang's body gave up. He left us.  
  
  


 **"I didn't—even tell him—how much I—lo—love him."** I mumble. It was too messy. My hiccups are too much. When he left me, my life ended. I can't find the will to continue living. I attempted suicide a lot of times, but my friends stopped me on time.  
  
  


 **"I am very—coward—I should have—told him—my—my feelings way—way back before."** I continue. The agony is eating me up alive. **"Do you think Huaisang regret anything? He fucking didn't Jiang Wanyin!"** Wen Qing harshly pulls my face up.  
  
  


Everyone has tears on their eyes, **"We—also love Huaisang. You—are not—the only person—who lost—something Jiang Cheng."** Wen Ning broke his voice a lot of times. I only started back at him, **"He was—our special friend—A-Cheng. We love him—so much."** Wuxian tried his best, but failed as well. Wen Qing harshly wipe her tears off her face, **"I freaking study hard—just to help him—I wanted him—to be alive—as much as you want—him to be alive Jiang Cheng!"**  
  
  


Wangji didn't say anything. He only cries silently beside us. **"Here!"** Wuxian gave me a folded paper. I decided to wipe my tears, **"What's this?"** I asked him. Everyone avoided my gaze, **"It's better for you to—read it A-Cheng. We—also have our letters."** Wen Ning said.  
  
  


They didn't insist on stay in my apartment. Actually they quickly left after giving the folded paper to me. I settle myself on the same spot Huaisang sat, before unfolding the paper; it started with, **"Dear Jiang Wanyin..."**  
  
  


And I lost it. I lost Huaisang.  
  
  


And I know in my heart that it will never beat for anyone the same way it beats for Huaisang.   
  
  


**_THE END_ **   
  
  


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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so hard for me. Seriously!!!
> 
> Why did I do this?
> 
> I feel like shit writing the last part.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading this. I hope to hear your comments about my writing/work. Until next time.


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